Should I make my teen go?

It depends on how serious things are. If you're worried about safety, getting help comes first. Otherwise, giving your teen some say in the decision often makes the first session go better.

Will you tell me what my teen says?

At the start, I talk with both of you about what stays between me and your teen and what I'd need to share, like safety concerns. Most teens open up more when they know their privacy is respected.

Can my teen meet online?

Yes. Teens can meet in person at my office in Siloam Springs or online by video from anywhere in Arkansas.

Your teen doesn't want therapy. Now what?

Maybe your teen has been pulling away, sleeping all day, snapping at everyone, or just seems sad in a way that worries you. You suggest talking to a counselor, and you get an eye-roll, a slammed door, or "I'm fine. I don't need that."

That's a very common reaction, and it doesn't mean counseling can't help. It usually means your teen has some fears about it that haven't been said yet.

Why teens say no

Teens often hear "you should see a therapist" as "something is wrong with you." The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that teens may worry their parents think they're crazy or weak. Others worry that everything they say will get reported back to you, or that a stranger will lecture them. Some have had a bad experience before. And some are just tired, and one more appointment sounds like one more thing.

Knowing which of these is in the way can help you respond to the real worry instead of the "no."

How to bring it up

Here are a few things that tend to help, based on guidance from Harvard Health Publishing and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry:

Pick a calm moment, not the middle of an argument. Car rides and walks can be easier than face-to-face talks.
Start with what you've noticed and how you feel, using "I" statements. "I've noticed you seem really down lately, and I'm worried about you" lands differently than "You need help."
Listen more than you talk. Ask what they think is going on.
Explain counseling plainly. It's like having a coach or a tutor for the hard stuff, someone outside the family who is on their side.
Let them know it's private, within safety limits a counselor will explain at the start.
Remind them it's not forever. Trying a few sessions isn't a lifelong commitment.

Give them real choices

Teens tend to respond better to choices than to orders. You might decide that getting some support isn't optional right now, while letting your teen choose the details:

Meeting in person or online
Which day and time works
Whether you sit in for part of the first session or not
Trying a free phone call with the counselor first

When teens have a say, they often walk in a little more curious and a little less guarded.

What to avoid

Try not to use counseling as a threat or a punishment ("If you keep this up, I'm sending you to therapy"). Try not to trick them into a session. And try not to ask for a full report after every appointment. A simple "How was it?" is plenty.

If they still say no

Sometimes the answer stays no for a while. That's hard. You can keep the door open by saying something like, "Okay. The offer stands, and you can tell me any time." Some parents start with their own sessions or family counseling, which can take pressure off the teen and still bring support into the home.

When it can't wait

If your teen talks about suicide, about hurting themselves, or about not wanting to be alive, take it seriously and stay with them. You can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, for yourself or with your teen. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

How I work with teens

I see teens of any age, in person at my office in Siloam Springs, AR, or online from anywhere in Arkansas. In the first session I explain what stays private and what I would need to share, so everyone knows the rules. Then I let your teen set much of the pace. You can read more about counseling for teens.